My Digital Diary

February 7, 2008

Misconceptions of Guys about Girls….

Filed under: Fun, India, jokes, my views — Tags: — nitin @ 1:57 pm

This stuff is a tribute to all single boys and gals who have been involved in the vicious circle of “Friendship”. One will get a better idea about gals and their behaviour to their male pals..(Its 100% truth – ISO20000 certified)

(Its from my archive mails…. )

Misconceptions:

Girls’ relationship with guys is a bigger mystery than girls themselves.It’s not just about boyfriends, we’re talking about guy friends that gals have.

Do you have a gal who is just a friend? Are confused why the frequency of calls increases as exams loom closer? Or why she always hangs around with the moron who isn’t fit to wear Jeetendra’s white shoes? Here’s a ready reckoner for you:

Just a friend

Well, you are like a show piece in my house. I will call you whenever I need you. If you call me home the chances are 9 out of 10 times she might say, “Oh Rahul, I am going out can you call me after 2 days??”

Rahul: “Where are you going Shilpa??”

Shilpa: “None of your business” and bangs the phone.(Useless fellow.Hmmph!).

Good Friend

You are like a TV remote control. I need you and I know that. But I try using you when I really need you.

Rahul calls: “Hi Shilpa”,

Shilpa: “Hi Rahul. I am going out with family I will call you back. Bye”

(Shilpa calls back after two days)

Shilpa: “What do you want Rahul? Why did you call that day?”.

Rahul: “Generally”.

Shilpa: “Oh ok. I got to go out. Will call you later. Bye.”

Will call when she needs lecture notes or some concert tickets.

Very good friend

Well you are like the pressure cooker safety value for the girl.

She will need you when she wants to bring out her pain or anger on someone.

Basically, she wants to talk to you. And you are special to her.

Shilpa: “You know Rahul, Shekhar is not eating. He doesn’t sleep and is not able to concentrate on his studies. I think he doesn’t like me anymore.

And yesterday I saw him with another girl”.

Rahul: “Who is Shekhar??”

Shilpa : “My boyfriend.”

Rahul: Oh! ok. ūüė¶

Best Friend

You are like the auto rickshaw driver. She can’t live without you.

And don’t be mistaken. You are not her boyfriend. But you are allowed to take her little doggie around the park so that he (not you!) can have fun .

Rahul Shopping. Rahul Movie. Rahul Coffee. Rahul,you pay. I am having fun.

Rahul is now sure that he should go ahead and propose. He dares.

Shilpa: “But I thought we were just friends.

We should remain friends

Rahul. Plus, I have a boy friend you know that.”

Rahul: What?? (Rahul drinks all night).

Best of the Bestest Friends

Ok now you are really special. You are

dad-cum-boyfriend-cum-brother-cum-everything.

Ultimately you are the darling servant of the girl. You take her around.You make her project.

You do her assignments. You are allowed to take her doggie around. You can hold hands on the beach.

You can see the sun set with her (because she wants to do everything she drags you along). But but but… don’t be mistaken. She has a boyfriend who works for a huge software company and earns 3 times the salary you earn and has a flat in PoesGardenor Boat Club or Hiranandani area.

Shilpa: “Hi Rahul. I am getting engaged to Shekhar.

Shekhar this is Rahul,he is my bestest friend”.

Rahul: Hi Shekhar . (Hand shake. Shekhar breaks Rahul’s wrist).

Rahul is now heart broken and wrist broken.

Boyfriend

Uh… No comments dude. You’re already Gone

For all Rahul type guys… Make sure that you tell Shilpa about Mamta. And about Maya… and about Tina also…

This will open Shilpa’s eyes!!!!

October 31, 2007

Interview with Inzy

Filed under: celebrities, Fun, India, jokes, sports — Tags: , , , , — nitin @ 10:46 am

¬†This one is an old joke….but just found in my archive mails and wanted to share this funny stuff out here. I saw one advertisment on MULUND Station (Mumbai) of an English Speaking Coaching classes. They had put a model looking fat,having beard and looking exactly like Inzamam.That was really funny…

Here goes an interview with Inzi after losing to India in one day match.

Rameez: So Inzy, disappointed with your performance today?

Inzy: Bismilla-e-rehman-e-rahim. Thank you allah.ya the indian batsman is play very good today. we is try very hard but is not win the game.

Rameez: Any words for Dhoni?

Inzy: Ya dhoni is play very well. He is hit his shot very hard in our gaps. In start, we is protect our gaps very well. the grass is also thick.. but dhoni is split our gaps with his bat.

Rameez: Another ordinary bowling performance?

Inzy: Ya our balls is loose. the bowler is went for many run. Asif is bowled well. Also, after some shots the ball is out of shape. umpire is not give another ball.. it is tough to play with one ball.

Rameez: Dropped catches.. did that prove costly?

Inzy: ya the ball is not stick to our hands. we is practice a lot sticking our bat in our hands.. but now we is more practice sticking balls in our hands.

Rameez: Any plans for the next match?

Inzy: ya India is on top but we is try to bounce on our back. Insha allah we is play better.

Rameez: All the best Inzy

Inzy: Thank is you

Our Indian Team and Pakistani Team both have faced such situations before.But they are improving now..

October 24, 2007

Our Health conscious India (Beer Vs Country/IMFL liquor)

Filed under: India, IT Professionals, jokes, my views — Tags: , , — nitin @ 5:13 pm

¬†One joke…to start with..

Some usual phrases/dialogues which people mutter after they get drunk..

Are tuje to chad gayi..(you got high 2day)
“agar chadani nahi hoti to peeta he kyo?”

Aaj gaddi/bike main chalaunga..(2day i will ride the car/bike)
“tremendous confidence”

Tu mera sabse accha dost hain…(you are my best friend)
“Right time to show friendship”

Main kisi se nahi darta..(i dont fear anyone)
“Bold and Beautiful”

Aaj tuje meri baat sunni he padegi..(I will have the final word)
“Autocracy starts…”

coming back..i wanna share my thinking of how people,youngsters switch from Beers to Hard liquor.
An excise department circular of April 13 says that “the duty on mild beer has been increased to Rs 15 per bulk litre or 100 per cent of the manufacturing cost, whichever is higher. Previously, it was Rs 12 per bulk litre or 75 per cent of the manufacturing cost.

The Beer consumption in Maharashtra is about 160 lakh (12-bottle) cases with Mumbai accounting for 40 per cent of beer sales in the State.

As you may be knowing ,people drink to get High..It usually starts with a beer for a college going youth/Men. Initially 1 Bottle/Glass¬†is enough to get him High..slowly his capacity increases.Now he needs 2 bottles and then finally he won’t budge even after having 2 bottles of beer.

Then¬†his clever mind thinks, why am i wasting 300 rupees on 2 beer bottles which don’t give me the kick.Instead i will go for a hard liquor which can easily charge me up in just¬†2 pegs.Well a very practical solution for keeping the expenses short..considering Hard liquor is cheaply priced¬† than a Beer.So such tendency starts the journey of switching from¬† Beer to Country/IMFL liquor(Indian Manufactured Foreign Liquor).

Wat’s the government role in this whole transition of a Beer drinker to a Hard Drinker?

You may think, its a personal decision of the subject,but bro…all decisions are based on some enivironment/ surroundings..and government has the charge of this decision making factors and surroundings.

As per the  statistics ,Govn thinks beer is still the choice of the riches and the affluents..and therefore they are exhorbitantly charged.Youths,IT public, knowing the ill effects of hard drinks still prefer Beers ..by paying heavily.

Why are they pricing Beer so heavily even if their alcohol contents are marginal ? A hard drink instead has 80 % more alcohol.So health wise drinking beer is less harmful compared to Hard Drinks.

In western nations people prefer mild and soft beers,Lagers and therefore its cheap out there.Suppose the govn makes Liquor highly priced and beer cheap..then ppl will find beer more viable as a drinking option concerning health hazards of hard drinks.

Interestingly, Indian’s preferred strong beer, unlike their counterparts elsewhere, and it accounted for more than 70 per cent of the total volume in the country.Which means this 70 percent ppl will soon opt for hard drinks in the near future,as they are cheap and effective.So clearly ..its the government policy which is driving this stream by pricing such products just to make profits and keeping the health concerns of the state at stake.
 
I may not be updated but some states have taken this problem in to consideration and wine rates has been slashed.

So why not price Hard Liquor heavily and subsidise Beers.?

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August 7, 2007

Buffalo Theory and Beer

Filed under: Fun, jokes — nitin @ 1:57 pm

This theory has really¬†made by understanding of ¬†“Thinking out of the Box” Concept..Someone has just dont that…

¬†Read it..and then you will know this by yourself…

Beer

July 2, 2007

Raju Shrivastav at his best…hilarious

Filed under: Fun, India, jokes — nitin @ 2:33 pm

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June 30, 2007

Funny answers from Kids on Marriage & Dates

Filed under: Fun, jokes — nitin @ 10:35 am

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listenlong enough. — Lynnette, age 8 (isn’t she a treasure)

On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date. — Martin,

age 10

==============================================

(more…)

June 12, 2007

Mind Reading

Filed under: Fun, jokes, Miscellaneous — nitin @ 10:50 am

Mind reading

Health Tip amazing!!!!(water and wine)

Filed under: Fun, India, jokes, Miscellaneous — nitin @ 8:07 am

Scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 litre of water each day for a year, by the time we have consumed our 365th litre we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli (E. coli) bacteria found in faeces.

In other words, we will have consumed 1 kilo of poop!  However, we do not run that risk when drinking wine, beer (or other liquors) because alcohol has to go through distillation process of boiling, filtering and fermenting.

WATER = POOP

WINE = HEALTH
Free yourself of Poop, drink WINE!!!

It is better to drink wine and talk s**t than to drink water and be full of it!

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I am doing it as a public service.

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