Hyderabadi Bakra and The Angrez

Arre aap log kidar the itne din.. how can i miss you guys.. you guys are awesome and i have no words to describe you all.. simply fabulous.How sick of me to miss you for such a long time.Salim tussi cha gaye ho… tere jaise tapori main dekhe hain..but, tu to unka bhi baap nikla.Am talking about ajju, mujju , saleem, Nawab saheb who are actors from the hyderabadi small budgets films named “The angrez” and “Hyderabadi Bakra”.

One of my Hyderabadi friend(chellapalli) told me about these movies and i was imatient to watch it.I desperately downloaded both the movies through TORRENTS within no time.As soon as the movie started, I knew that its really my kinda movie..wid Some taporigiri,some silly cracks,the usual braggers of the moholla,the pan ki tapri,dhaachegiri and the usual chores of any average mumbaikar or hyderabad.The typical Hyderabadi Slang..is at par to our mumbai slang…This movie is unlike other “C” grade flicks..The entertainment is 100% guranteeed only if you can understand or rather try to understand Hyderabadi slang.The hyderabadi slang itself is so comic that jokes are not needed.The dialogue delivery with tones of karech..jaaarech..nakko.. sounds so much original and spicy.

“The angrez” is the best one, but Hyderabadi bakra is also funnier and awesome.I won’t like to narrate the story here or throw a review.All you gotta do is, if you trust my taste of movies and really like some crazy stuff then grab a DVD/CD or become a pirate like me and download these movies via torrents for free.Both these movies are worth a watch for the surprised package and fresh performances…

I never expected such kind of acting from the fellow new comers that too in a low budget film.However , 2 NRI’s from “The angrez” movie were pathetic in acting..they overacted at times…but,apart from them,no one will dissapoint you. much.so be it the “NANA” or the maid or the naukar of NRI’s..every single actor has played a crucial role and contributed to the film.Selected actors like salim in “Angrez” and ajju in “Hyderabadi bakra acted effortlessly..I really donno their real names..but these new guys are rocking..The side hero in “Hyderabadi bakra” is indeed talented and also our bakra”the nawab” who’s famous dialogues”Pachiss saala se main charminar main baitha hoon” and “maa ki kirkiri” are hilarious is also fantastic.

Dhimpartipar gang.. ek baar yeh movie dekhlo..”Keechad main bhi Kamal khilte hain”.

Rating is a must:

The Angrez             ****

Hyderabadi Bakra  ***

Vilayati HOLI

Time:11.55 pm
Place:3951,Albert Street(my apartment)

Am back.Am exhausted,tired and my voice is choked.Reason?Undergone Holi celebration in Vancouver.
Yes , you heard me right.Some bunch of NRI’s had organized Holi festival for the desi’s here.We grabbed our ticket for 15$ to be at this event,totally confused about the outcome but still breathing air of excitement.The gang was big and i was luck that some Keeda public made it to this event.(ya bombay ka public tha ).We reached as usual late and witnessed a group of ppl listening to Karan-johar’s song and celebrating holi with pinch of colors and less matka jhatka.Some foreigner’s were enjoying more than the indians.

We tried insurging in to the group, but realised very soon that this isn’t the public which matches our frequency and energy.
Then,we started our own version of holi celebration.Yeaaa.. we hollered songs of Amitabh ..asked the DJ to play RANG BARSE.. we almost caught the attention of the whole crowd.. They must me wondering where the hell this guys suddenly popped from? We continued our Dhammal masti and playing with colors.All kind of dances were on display start from karate dance,disablility moves,hiphop to ganpati,nashik dhol dance.I was getting under the impression that we are making too much noise.But then one of the organizer came to us and said “you guys made this event lively.. Keep going”..and then we never stopped.
The 2nd surprise was the cultural event that followed “Dhuliwandan”.The hall was red with white siffon tables and wine glasses neatly placed in symmetric order.It was a perfect replica of the OSCAR’s. I was really amazed by the whole grandeur setup and the royal treatment.The ambience,tables decorated with flowers and white table cloth,red carpet, big screens and awesome waitress were like a dream.The excitment overflowed.The show was OK kind, but we were very busy with our own fun and masti.Neverthless, We clapped for every performance ..we danced with the participant’s , we sang Holi songs.The public was “UDAS” (boring).They were silent like dead bodies lacking any energy and too lazy to even clap for the performers.The behaviour seemed  like they came for a science Exhibition.The anchor tried hard to wake the public,but the public was more interested in snacks, and their own gossip.But we were unstoppable,at times we controlled ourself from hyperexcitment and overshadowing.

The dinner was also awesome.Again the dance floor opened up.This time some few guys from the crowd joined us.One thing I noticed was that the younger crowd (indian’s) were not at all significant in this whole picture.I cud see aunties and supermakeUP loaded witches/bitches,bald mens and hyper noisy kids.There was no trace of humans @age of 20-25.It was the same case in a hindu temple where ppl gather every sunday and food is served for all.Where are this younger generations?
They must be busy doping and visiting night pubs.Canada is a doper’s paradise.All stuff are available openly without any restrictions.The government allows LSD Booth’s and weeds  for teens.Its a free country afterall.

Many times during late office hrs, I had came across Drunkards and Doper’s in bus and on roads.Heard that every kid in high school gets a dose of these stuffs either by choice or by pressure.This is the only problem with this unchecked freedom in canada.
Here, you get pinched by police if u r caught wid weeds.Officer’s can’t dare to slap you.You must have a lawyer beside you and then you are king,everyone has one.I accumulated these gyan from a local office friend.Still eager to knw more about this place and ppl and their problems.

Let me cut this post short, after all am writing after a long brkk.No overdose.The day was full of fun,masti,dancing and hallagulla.Never expected such kind of HOLI in a foreign LAND.

Out of the gutter..

Guys..

I have been not active on my blog.The reason was my travel to Vancouver.Am just 2 days old here, but seems like this place is my dream place..Am a guy who’s crazy about beautiful roads,solid infrastructure ,green lawns and small bungalows along the wide clean road, huge cars, huge TRUCKs and huge humans .Just look at them.. we wont even fit till their chest.

Let me check out some places in the coming weekend ..only then i can comment about the other places.waise i just love the chilling climate here..the weather has changed bcos of me.the day I landed here , it was a bright sunny day and seemed like heaven on earth.

Spring will start soon.This is considered to be the best time in canada.Couldn’t ask more more right?

 So finally ,I managed to eat the Gajar, but bamboo is still there in my asss.

And pls don’t mind the title … all my jingoistic indian die hard fans… The gutter was the lifestyle in India…India to Ek Mahan desh Hain.

Hot Pune girls for you

 Saare jaha se acchi, pune girls ye Hamari Hamari … Saare Jaha se acchi..

One says.. Babes Dekhna hain to pune ki dekho…

 So I present you the most hot girls which you fill find common on pune roads.

Control your testosterone….

These are not pics from Pubs, rave party or personal parties..

Yeahhh.. just have a look at these gals when they are in campus , fully loaded …

I knw till now u must be dying to check them out…

 

                Bamboozled  ????

Chaanta Laga : Rakhi sawant Slaps boyfriend

For all Rakhi Sawant fans.
I knw its very late as most of the ppl must have seen this video. but I still wanna keep it here for my memories.

Please suggest a title

Petrol Pump Ka scene.

Time:8:45pm
Place:Office.
I was busy with Pool table wid my colleagues.Surprisingly, got call from ”Mallik Bhai” who informed me that Petrol prices are getting higher by 2 Rupees from 2morow.”Get your tank full” was his stern advice to me.Coincidently, my bike was also dry on petrol .But I was not in a mood to full my tank for saving Rs 2/litre.

I decided to get some fuel as anyway I had to dine outside.To my Surprise , anger and frustation, the Yerwada Petrol pump was crowded .I decided to go for SpeedPetrol which was available at KoregaonPetrolPump. The scene was much more vulgar outthere. They weren’t allowing biker’s to queue for petrol.Barricades of bamboo were laid to keep customer’s at bay.Out of two bunks , one was closed in the wee hrs i.e arnd 9. I understood the whole gameplan.The greed of the Bunk owner was shouting on all petrol thirst crowd.

In a nutshell..the Asshole’s who owns the Petrolbunk closed the shop arnd 9pm , so that all reserves could be sold tomorow morning at an additional profit of Rs 2/litre.
Rich bloodsuckers…

Words which needs to be added in the Oxford Dictionary.

Gajar (noun) : Ditch, false promises, taken for ride.
                           (usage: derogatory)

       Sentences : “My Project Manager gave me a gajar of  Canada Onsite .”
               Origin:Carrot called as( Gajar in Hindi) is used as a trap for catching rabbits.

Bamboo(noun) : Overworked, peer pressure of work, like balls on stove or
                                hammering of balls.
                               (usage: derogratory)
           Sentences :a) “I got a big bamboo yesterday“, he expects me to deliver the code 
                                 by this weekend.
                               b)How was the exam?”Bamboo lag gaya“.
                   Origin :Pain derived by inserting a  Bamboo Stick  in  one’s ass.

I keep hearing these words in the corridor , smoking zone and in lift lobby  and everywhere..It’s usage may be limited to the IT circle..
 Just for your info… I got Gajar and bamboo both  

There’s are several other words which were invented and used only in my group..like lasson , Pok , dhimpartipar , vatren , zhinga etc ..these words which seems meaningless are very much meaningful and they convey the right message beautifully.. 

Valentine Day

Love was in the air..  In da offcie ppl were dressed RED & Pink. Entrance were decorated with red balloons. Some desk’s were wid flowers and other’s with cards.I don’t want to sound stereotypical by uttering this boring sentence” Every day is a valentnie day…wat’s so special 2day? one can celebrate it any time and day they want”.
But, I do believe that its just another day like other days.The question for me was if anyone was about to gift their dear ones something special,wud valentine day be the apt day to gift?
For me, I think anyother day will be a bigger surprise for the gal/boy.Just imagine, if we gift our parents,teachers on any random day..that would be lot more fun and exciting ,rather than being obedient and gifting only on the so called Teacher/Parent/Mother/Sister Days.

I don’t mean celebrating Diwali  in April and Christmas in August,as these festivals are something related to cosmic timings and close to religion. I will categorise all above mentioned days as Social Days (Parents,mother’s,father’s,valentine etc.)Social days can never be limited to  fixed day and timing for celebrations.Social Days are for someone very special and personal and therefore doesn’t need any predecided day for celebrations.

It’s for the people to decide how they weigh these days in their calendar’s.

“Yeh apan ka choice ka Mamla hain”.

Terrible moments

Misconceptions of Guys about Girls….

This stuff is a tribute to all single boys and gals who have been involved in the vicious circle of “Friendship”. One will get a better idea about gals and their behaviour to their male pals..(Its 100% truth - ISO20000 certified)

(Its from my archive mails…. )

Misconceptions:

Girls’ relationship with guys is a bigger mystery than girls themselves.It’s not just about boyfriends, we’re talking about guy friends that gals have.

Do you have a gal who is just a friend? Are confused why the frequency of calls increases as exams loom closer? Or why she always hangs around with the moron who isn’t fit to wear Jeetendra’s white shoes? Here’s a ready reckoner for you:

Just a friend

Well, you are like a show piece in my house. I will call you whenever I need you. If you call me home the chances are 9 out of 10 times she might say, “Oh Rahul, I am going out can you call me after 2 days??”

Rahul: “Where are you going Shilpa??”

Shilpa: “None of your business” and bangs the phone.(Useless fellow.Hmmph!).

Good Friend

You are like a TV remote control. I need you and I know that. But I try using you when I really need you.

Rahul calls: “Hi Shilpa”,

Shilpa: “Hi Rahul. I am going out with family I will call you back. Bye”

(Shilpa calls back after two days)

Shilpa: “What do you want Rahul? Why did you call that day?”.

Rahul: “Generally”.

Shilpa: “Oh ok. I got to go out. Will call you later. Bye.”

Will call when she needs lecture notes or some concert tickets.

Very good friend

Well you are like the pressure cooker safety value for the girl.

She will need you when she wants to bring out her pain or anger on someone.

Basically, she wants to talk to you. And you are special to her.

Shilpa: “You know Rahul, Shekhar is not eating. He doesn’t sleep and is not able to concentrate on his studies. I think he doesn’t like me anymore.

And yesterday I saw him with another girl”.

Rahul: “Who is Shekhar??”

Shilpa : “My boyfriend.”

Rahul: Oh! ok.

Best Friend

You are like the auto rickshaw driver. She can’t live without you.

And don’t be mistaken. You are not her boyfriend. But you are allowed to take her little doggie around the park so that he (not you!) can have fun .

Rahul Shopping. Rahul Movie. Rahul Coffee. Rahul,you pay. I am having fun.

Rahul is now sure that he should go ahead and propose. He dares.

Shilpa: “But I thought we were just friends.

We should remain friends

Rahul. Plus, I have a boy friend you know that.”

Rahul: What?? (Rahul drinks all night).

Best of the Bestest Friends

Ok now you are really special. You are

dad-cum-boyfriend-cum-brother-cum-everything.

Ultimately you are the darling servant of the girl. You take her around.You make her project.

You do her assignments. You are allowed to take her doggie around. You can hold hands on the beach.

You can see the sun set with her (because she wants to do everything she drags you along). But but but… don’t be mistaken. She has a boyfriend who works for a huge software company and earns 3 times the salary you earn and has a flat in PoesGardenor Boat Club or Hiranandani area.

Shilpa: “Hi Rahul. I am getting engaged to Shekhar.

Shekhar this is Rahul,he is my bestest friend”.

Rahul: Hi Shekhar . (Hand shake. Shekhar breaks Rahul’s wrist).

Rahul is now heart broken and wrist broken.

Boyfriend

Uh… No comments dude. You’re already Gone

For all Rahul type guys… Make sure that you tell Shilpa about Mamta. And about Maya… and about Tina also…

This will open Shilpa’s eyes!!!!

Hope John likes it ;-)

                        My dear laad friend will be going to UK for onsiteWork.A noble thought germinated in the compost.The idea was to gift his Ko-league who was a JOHN .Would that reciprocate in a Client appreciation mail?Well as i said , the thought was noble , so just stop such vile beliefs grow in ya mind .
But the choice was difficult.There was no clue about his habits , hobby and taste.The two were like configured machines who seldom veered to topics other than Deployment related issues,PDF generation and greece language support. We planned to pick the gift from MG road pune.It has 2 Jaipuri shops with some traditional stuffs.

Now the search for the right gift started…lets wind it up fast.
(pointing to a flower vase)
Me :Yeh wala Sahi hain.
She : “Utna nahi”… uska color utna kuch nahi hain.

Me :He will like this ASH Tray ,Suttebaaj hoga.
She :I don’t know if he smokes.
Me :What the hell.??.Being a John and that too in software..am sure he smokes. (No changes)

.
.
.
.(lots of Deep Thinking from both side)
.

Alladin ka chirag?

Me :Now this is something pretty cool.Wat ya say?
Shopkeeper :Sir , its the best we have.
She :Ismain ek size bade hain?No-No a bit smaller than that…. Something in betwn these two.?
Shopkeeper :Madam, iske beech wala to nahi hain.
She : They don’t have proper sizes.
Me: Kya yaar … aap ke paas correct sizes nahi hain, nahi to yeh wala uthane wale the..

We moved to next shop which is in the same lane and owned by the same owner(which was realised later).The Sales man was a hyper active middle aged man , I loved his service.
We saw a couple of John’s wandering for some antique in the same shop.An popped in my mind (why not catch these whites..they may help in selecting the best choice).

Me :Hello sir…..(and our story .blah blah…..)
John :” Am not English..”(So wat? you are white) ..”Germans have a different taste.Is he he/she?”(he).

After a long thought and explanation…He suggested that anything which has good handwork and sophisticated design and carvings will amaze any John.
Again the search started with new Keywords.This time it was rigorous with more details to be noted resulting in easy rejection and filterations.My choice didn’t materialise as we were from 2 different planets.(Mars &Venus).The hyperactive salesman who was earlier busy wid other customers saw us confused and rushed for our help.

He started bragging about his experience in this business,Wat John likes,picks etc…pointing to every object on display and making amazing facial experiences to show the intricate details of the work.We thought he would solve our problem but finally it ended up in more confusion.20 + items where spread before us like a buffet dinner but each item was only 80% appealling.I was wondering where to bring that 20% from or rather 30% for her?
With lots of Dhaachegiri ..the plan was to see some other shop .But it was too late and this task was supposed to be finished before EOD.Plan changed.We moved back to the earlier shop.This is called how you retain a customer.

At the sight of we entering the shop again, the sales man with more energy than before showed us what he was hiding from us earlier.He opened the fresh stocks.Yeah.And there we found something,something she was looking for.

We settled for this Elephant carved from a single piece of wood with her/his siblings.The attraction was the perfect shape and balance of the Piece.It was big enough and not tiny either and not much bulky .I instantly realized from her expression that She found her missing 30% in this one.Celebrations,joys and excitement ruled my mind.(earlier i was pissed off,tired and after looking at so many items I felt like anything is good option. ).

But dear readers..if you still reading this shit..then hold on.The one thing we indians never forget is bargaining.Other’s were trying it too.
So with all my strength I started the bargaining show.

Shopkeeper: Sir 20% is off.

Me:Common yaar.. I am always ready to pay reasonable amount.Please make it 25%.
She:But we are taking 2 pieces…(Murmuring to me and kicking my leg to settle for much more discount.)
Shopkeeper :Sir..its all i can offer..you go to any shop and ask.
Me :I know you own all shops here..so prices will be same (  )
Shopkeeper : smiling.. “Sir , aap bhi kya mazak karte hain..”

Ok ok…ha ha thik hain thik hain..yes yes…bas kya …No Noo..chalna.. chod yaar..lelo yaar ..smiles..

Finally HandShake..

The deal was over.
Rs 2700 for 2 pieces of our Elephant.Everyone was contended and happy about the deal.I hope John likes the stuff too.He will surely, because if you give any gift with all the right feelings , it will be acceptable to every wise human being.So why you think am telling you this experience..??
Need to say more ?

Disturbed

I wish to blog on something..something which is exciting and not boring as my usual stuff.My doka(bheja) is too lazy, she is too lousy,her grey cells are on a holy holiday on unpaid leaves, and they don’t care ,if they are needed at all .Maybe even she needs her bones to rest.After all how can she bear 10 rounds of Pune RTO, verbal abuses, ugly faces , soul-less masses , violent wishes and finally a tiny win of an underdog.

Lets Veer to my hairs.I don’t trust my hairs anymore.They can leave me any time, like a how Kareena left Shahid,well don’t you(hairs) understand am better than Shahid and you are more beautiful than kareena.I really fear to even touch and play wid you.I want you back as you where earlier;dense,black,thick and so polite .Thanks for the contribution made by 21st century and the PMC..!! Having said that, please don’t consider me as bald.
I have more hairs than Salman Khan.

My last yr stint in gym for 3 months seems like history.Those where the days when i got glare from damsels.I was in good shape and mind.It’s a fact , that you may lose every muscle of our body , but not the fat around your tummy.Who cares , I don’t remember the last time when i woke up for a jog.Let me not bore myself with my anatomy more.
Am making a noise unnecessarily.32 still fits me below my waist.

Radgaaaabuuuoo poinshooooo chikmukhle..pongaaaapandittt aaaaabudbudiyachudchudiya..zakarmarasakarlaparfaker

I wish to kick someone’s ass and slap someone in public. Wish some drops of pain in my drinking water or pain rays from my monitor “Pain rays” (Dukhi karne wali kirne)hahahaa bull shit!.Either a feeling of Happiness or sadness,but planting a void feeling is disaster as it kills the life within you.Life is too boring with this shitful project’s , meetings & blabberring and schedules and promises.Or Do i need a change?.Maybe that can make me feel good.

Got Some not so good news , I hold a valid Canadian visa for six months.Not much excited thou.I donno why? when my PM will show the green signal.Already feeling homesick, being in my home.Sounds kiddish?

To hell wid wat others think.I miss my loved ones and may even cry sometimes just to feel more closer to them.There’s is no age bar for crying.Or to be more precise ,its not uncool to cry.When did you last cried?? I hope it was not when you were in your diapers.

Saala Dimag ka Dahi ho gayla hain..An idle mind is devil workshop.The devil is rising.There’s only one superhero to save me.Its me.

I remember this song featuring “Dev Anand ji”,”Dev Anand Saheb” or for me “Dev Anand Re”

main zindagii kaa saath nibhaataa chalaa gayaa
har fikr ko dhue.main…UuuuDaataa chalaa gayaa

(I am following the way life is treating me
forgetting every  trouble/tension with every puff of smoke)

barabaadiyon kaa soG manaanaa fizuul thaa - 2
barabaadiyon kaa jashn manaataa chalaa gayaa
main zindagii…

(Its a waste to crib about the wrongs or disasters which happened
I infact started celebrating the disasters or pitfalls of my life)

jo mil gayaa usii ko muqaddar samajh liyaa - 2
jo kho gayaa main usiko bhulaataa chalaa gayaa
main zindagii…

(What i got i considered it as my fate
What i lost, am trying to forget about it)

Gam aur khushii me.n fark na mahasuus ho jahaaN - 2
main dil ko us muqaam pe laataa chalaa gayaa
main zindagii…

(A state where one cannot differ betwn happiness and sadness
I have brought my heart to that state now)

Some songs are just suits your state of mind.Right now I wear this song.Hope Canada gives me a different Blanket..(i will mess with you ..Englishhhhh, translation is difficult)